Howard Schultz’s Anti-Union Spiel is a Whole Latte Nonsense

Tall tales and Venti-lations from America’s most caffeinated billionaire

Image: AlexandraKa, Shutterstock, standard license, purchased by author

Sorry about the title and the sub. I couldn’t resist.

I should probably stop before I make a Dumb Blonde Roast joke.

Oops.

Anyway, perhaps you’ve heard that Starbucks is facing a unionization drive. Specifically, employees at six Buffalo shops are on the cusp of a vote to unionize. And company higher-ups are worried that if the union wins, it could open the floodgates for others of the 8000 stores nationwide to do the same.

Which would, apparently, be awful.

And why?

Is it because it might force higher wages or better benefits, thereby making Starbucks coffee or those stupid cake pops suddenly overpriced?

Wait, why are you laughing?

Is it because the resulting dive in profits might cause them to cut back on the vanilla bean scones, making them even tinier?

Or because they might have to charge even more for the oversized Ethos waters that no one ever finishes, but they still don’t offer smaller bottles for some reason?

No.